A Tribute To My Lola

This morning after i blogged i got a call from my brother saying that my Lola has passed on. I couldn't describe the feeling i had inside me. Was i shocked? As i was speaking to my brother i really wasn't feeling the sadness until i hung up.

My lola who we call "Inang Mareng" was a great woman. Lived her life to the fullest. I wish i can just be as brave as her. She had witnessed every bumps and humps in the family. My Lola was a fighter.

I consider myself as one lucky grandchild. This is because me and my brothers are my grandparents' favorite. My lola would hide food for me because my other cousins would eat it. I know where she kept all the good cookies but not my cousins. She stored them in plastic wares and kept them inside a locked cabinet who she only had access to.

This cabinet contains all the baby pictures of her grandkids. Of course there is a picture of me there when i graduated from kindergarten and my mom was putting a ribbon on me. She kept all the silverwares in that cabinet. She would only take them out during parties and fiestas. Inang Mareng was a real woman.

My lola's favorite dish was "Paksiw na Isda". I remember one time when i was in the bus on my way to her house, i was so looking forward to eating my Lola's favorite dish. I made her so happy to let her know how i loved her Paksiw na Isda. Her eyes just brightened. I can still remember her smile.

At a very young age, i was left without a parent. My mom passed away when i was seven and my lola was just devastated. She tried her very best to take care of me. Inang Mareng wasn't a rich woman. She only had enough money to sustain her needs. At times she would dig into her purse to see if she has extra coins to spare so i can buy some chips from the store nearby. She would give me 2 pesos so i can ride the tricycle so that i wouldn't have to walk wherever i was heading. That's how much she loved me.

But since i had to go to school in Manila, i was separated from her. I would only see her at least twice a year. Every visit to her was so memorable to me. Every time i'd see her, she would give me a kiss with a sniff. Yes a kiss with a sniff. Her only way of saying how much she misses me. It breaks my heart to see my Lola cry when we part ways because i had to go back to Manila. She cries most of the time and she'd be looking by the window until i'm finally gone and out of sight.

One time i had a very interesting conversation with her. She told me all about their struggles during the Japanese period and how she and my lolo started from scratch and slowly built the house. She told me in details how good of a daughter my mom was and how she cared for them. No wonder mom was a favorite. I will never forget that day when we just both sat at the table and bonded together. I wish i could have spent more time with her. That day also, she gave me pictures of my mom when she was still young. This is how much we both miss her. Everytime i look at my lola's face, i see my mom's reflection in her. They have the same eyes and the same smile. Now, i won't even see a glimpse of that anymore.

Three years ago was when i last saw her. It was a great reunion. Lola and her favorite grandkid. I spent some time with her but then, i had to say goodbye to her again because i was heading back to the States. I could see the sadness in her face and the tears in her eyes. But i had to be strong for her, i didn't want my lola to feel sad and to cry. She's shed so much tears already over the years and she doesn't deserve to be sad. So i said to her: "wag kang mag alala magkikita tayo ulit" (Don't worry we'll see each other again) But now i realize, I'll never get to see her again.

Inang, i'll miss you a lot. You'll always remain in my heart forever and your memories will linger on. I LOVE YOU!

It's Monday morning, gloomy and raining outside. I love the feeling! Don't you just love to be tucked in your sheets and feel the soft cotton fabric on your skin while your head rests on your fluffy "goose down" pillow as you hear the water tapping on your roof? The sound of rain makes me sleep.

My weekend was a blast! I finally got the long awaited time to spend for myself. I didn't realize until yesterday how i needed that time to do my errands. Fixed my brake lights, went to Rite Aid, bought food, filled up my tank, cleaned the house and worked on some music. Best part was to get an afternoon NAP! Now i believe that a great weekend contributes a lot to having a great Monday morning.

Last week has been full of challenges. I can start to enumerate them all but it would take me more than the needed space to just get it started with. Anyhow, it isn’t important to know what they are but rather the lessons and realizations from it. I'm beginning to really grow as a person and wow! I'm able to withstand everything with His help. Marvelous things happen as we grow old and truly, life is so amazing!

It was World Youth Day yesterday. In the church, the priest asked all the youths to stand up..."All youths till age 25 please stand up". BUMMER. I'm not a youth anymore, i'm past that age already, though i don't look like it. hahaha kiddin.

I am looking forward to a great week. I'll get back at ya at a later time! CYA!

I'll Never Know

Last night i finished the voicing arrangement for "God Is Enough", just one of the songs that will be sung at the concert in February. After finishing the song, i felt really great and i kept listening to the song over and over again but still in awe. In awe? Why is that?

You see, back in my high school days i used to always lead big productions and shows for the school. I've composed songs and have joined competitions and won! Wow! I must be really good then? Hmmmm. Not really. I guess i have the basic skills but i'm not good. So what then makes me achieve all these? Great inspiration and a lot divine intervention.

Edwin called one day and asked "Can you do voicing for the songs?". I was surprised to get that call. Nobody knows what my musical background is. I haven't told anyone about my high school gigs. Who could it be? Why choose me to do the voicing when you've only seen me played the keyboards and that's it!? Then i realized, i was given this talent for nothing and all that i have now should be used for a greater purpose. Sure enough the Lord was speaking to me to share it but then I asked another question, "Lord, i haven't done voicing in my whole entire life and that's the reason why we only placed second in the competition because i know nothing about voicing?" "Just say YES, i'll provide". "Ok Edwin, i'll be glad to do it"

I sat on the piano and notes just came right out as i played. Now is that what you call divine intervention? I'll never know how i did it.......all i know is that i was called for this service and i'm giving out my best.

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On another note, we played at the GK Marathon last Sunday! It was a lot of fun! Here are some of the pics. I really don't have a lot to share but just to give you what it was like here they are:

The Battle......

When oppressions come, they really come! I thought of doing revenge because i was furious but then i kept hearing the voice of my friend who once said to me, "Show him/her your other cheek" (He was referring to one of the incidents when i yelled at a girl at a gasoline station who was a real biatch).

I am just like any other human being around. I am so darn weak but i still manage to find strength in my weaknesses. Put me under the sun and i'll burn. Don't feed me and i'll die. Don't give me water and i'll thirst. See. Just like anybody else, i'm not in anyway different at all!

I would like to do a revenge!

The voices in my head are not cooperating with each other. Could it be the devil and the angel talkin to me? I am getting all confused for in a min i need to make up my mind and come up with a decision. Why that quick? Because if i don't, you'll see the other side of me. And my angel got really scared. She is now yelling harder as she was earlier. Her voice has overpowered the devil's voice. And i said, "Ok, I'll pray as you command me to"

Sure enough. My head was cleared with all negativities and my heart just felt the goodness that it brings when you win the battle over evil.

It's been a while since I last posted an entry in my blog. I kinda got tired using my old blog because of its limited features so i decided to find something new. Hope this works out for me otherwise i'd be blog hoppin’ all the time.

It makes it difficult for me to start off with something to talk about. As you're prolly aware of, it’s been quite sometime now since i last updated you guys of what's been goin’ on in my world. But really, i can't seem to organize the thoughts in my head now, adding the fact that i'm having an asthma attack makes it even more difficult to think.

Oh, i haven't told you guys that i went for a week long vacation to Florida. I went there for the SFC Conference together with my friends. It was an awesome experience. Workshops, talks, prayer and worship, we all came together as one to experience God's love and thus the theme of this year's conference: God Is Enough. I've bonded with some really good friends and even gained new friends!

My joining of the SFC community wasn't accidental at all. Surely i am being called for service like each one of us is. Despite the fact of having a different purpose in joining the group, it's been changed totally from a self centered desire to a selfless service to others. And that's how each one of us should be transformed. I can say that i am continually growing in spirit and thirsting for more opportunities to serve. My imperfections have helped me to realize how blessed i am to be who i am now.

Think of what has happened to the world since December of 2004. Tsunami. Hurricane Katrina. War. The devastating quake in Asia. All of these incidents have wiped away enormous lives and destroyed so many futures especially for the kids who now don't even have a family or a house to live in. But did you ever wonder why God has allowed these things to happen? Why? Whatever it is, our mind can never comprehend how the power of our creator works. It is but proper to prepare ourselves when our time is called. The material things in this world that we strive for won't matter the minute that we are called. Shouldn't you be striving for something that is more important?

This is just a thought that has been stuck in my mind for several days now. But it also made me realize that God has blessed me with so many things that i shouldn't have kept just for myself alone, my talents, my knowledge and myself.